Swallowed

You know those days where you wake up and spill the coffee before you even get a sip? Step in water that your dog or toddler splashed on the floor right after putting on clean socks? Realize, too late, that the last roll of toilet paper got used  night before?

That’s where I’ve felt as though I’ve been living for the last several months. 

Every day has presented new struggles and challenges and just making it through the day has seemed like such a chore.

The dishes and laundry have piled up, there are cobwebs in the corners and my life has just seemed to be falling apart.

I’ve been feeling hopelessly stuck in my own life. Completely overwhelmed by all the things that are so far out of my control.

My mind goes a mile a minute from the time I open my eyes in the morning until they finally close at night. 

What needs done today, what I should’ve gotten done yesterday, everything that’s getting heaped onto tomorrow’s to-do list.

The financial struggles and stresses from living paycheck-to-paycheck. Projects that need done but the lack of money to accomplish them. The kids need clothes, the fridge is bare, the air conditioner needs replaced.

So many thoughts and feelings and worries that swarm through our minds during the course of one single day.

These thoughts are always there. The individual struggles vary from person to person, but we all have this cyclone of thoughts in our heads of things that we have no control over.

After months of beating myself up and wearing myself down I realized I was making an even bigger mistake – I was letting all the goings-on of the world come between me and my relationship with God.

When was the last time I sat in quiet surrender? When was my last prayer of thanksgiving and not the typical ‘give me, help me’ prayer that I’d been praying for months? How long has it been since I opened my Bible?

I don’t have control. Not over the weather, my toddler’s mood, how many hours are in the day. I have no real control over anything except my relationship with God.

By seeking Him first and surrendering all of my problems and concerns and stresses, I no longer have to face these things alone. By searching for Him in all the darkness that I feel swallowing me I know that He’ll lead me to the light.

I can’t solve all my problems, most days I can’t solve any of them. But He can.

I’ve felt trapped and alone and forgotten by the people in my life and I’ve let that consume my mind, instead of realizing that I’ve never been forgotten or left alone by the One who would never leave me.

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

Thank you Father for reminding me that I’m never alone. That even on my darkest days You are beside me. Please continue to open my heart to you and help me to cast my burdens onto You. Thank you for holding my tears in Your hands and never making me cry alone. Thank you for being there in my sorrow just as You are in my happiness. In Jesus’s name, Amen.


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